


Cause I Love You

by lb4



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 14:31:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19396084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lb4/pseuds/lb4
Summary: Bones soothes the reader as they struggle with self-harm urges.Trigger Warning. Please exercise caution when reading!





	Cause I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> A requested version of "Bleeding Out" but with Bones.  
> Excerpts of Johnny and June Cash, because I thought it was appropriate.
> 
> Sending my love to anyone who can relate to this as I do.  
> Find me on tumblr as "anotherstartrekimagineblog" if you need someone to talk to, be safe <3

The scars adorning your limbs stare at you - constantly. 

Even when you cover them, you know what is hidden beneath the fabric. Everywhere you go, they follow you. 

Once the skin had been freshly slit and torn but has now knitted back together into slender silver scars. The healing of your flesh is complete, but still, the ache in your heart continues. 

Up here amongst the stars, you thought your problems would feel smaller - insignificant. There is so much else to focus on - a universe of wonder and yet your ever-present pain sits within you, heavy and central. In your happy moments, it slumbers and waits to crawl back out to remind you it hasn’t gone anywhere. 

You tried to rationalise that this pain - this illness - was not your fault or anything to be ashamed of. 

Bones had given you many reassurances, talked you through the science, the medicine, the psychology. He always treats you kindly, appropriately - like a person who just happened to have an illness, not someone defined by it. Yet despite all that, you still think of yourself as broken, and some days, it was all too much. 

You itch your sleeve up slightly, looking at the scars that had come before and desperately wishing to add to them. 

It’s been a while. You have been trying so hard. 

Your finger traces one scar in particular, your nail scratching ever so slightly as it moves across your skin.

The temptation is so strong. You want to drop into bed, let it swallow you whole and hope you don’t wake tomorrow. 

But you promised. 

* * *

Leonard didn’t even need to ask what the matter was when you walked into sickbay, straight to his office. He’d asked you for this - for you to come to him when the urges were getting too strong - so you did. 

He follows behind you, closing the door quietly. 

You’re curled up on the couch, crumpled in on yourself - nails now scratching at your arms with more insistence. Trying, so hard to resist the urge to do something more harmful. 

Leonard crouches next to you, his hand immediately coming to soothe you, stroking long and reassuringly along the curve of your back. His scent surrounds you - patchouli, cedarwood and something clinical. He often said his cologne reminded him of being back home in Georgia, and now the smell had become your new home. It comforted you immensely. 

Leonard moves closer and ghosts a gentle kiss against your forehead. In the dim light, he can see the glint of tears on your face, and his instincts in caring for you makes him want to wipe them away, but he would hate to suffocate you in a moment like this. 

“Anything I can do for you, sweetheart?” His voice is sweet, genuine. 

“Stay with me.” You strain to speak through tears and panic. “Please, as long as you can.” 

You know he has a job to do, and you wouldn’t resent him if he had patients to attend to. You don’t even feel like you deserve his attention, but Bones always insists on staying with you until safety returns to you again - Sickbay be damned. 

You reposition and straighten out, which helps release some of the tension your body is holding. Now that space is available, Leonard moves to lay behind you on the small surface. He wraps his arms around you, taking your hands in his and moving them away from your wrists - holding them tight. 

It doesn’t make you feel restrained or suffocated - it makes you feel safe. Like he is an extension of you - a more stable, sensible, stronger version of you. Leonard’s breathing is steady against your back, and you make a conscious effort to try and match his respiration. 

In for 4 seconds. Hold for 7. Out for 8. 

When you lost all ability to be rational, Leonard was there to be practical, coaxing you into the calming technique. 

The moment stretches on, and your heart rate begins to settle. 

Your bodies move in unison, measured and purposeful breaths allowing your body to adjust from panic to rest. Your heart rate slowing, cheeks drying and Leonard’s love becoming the focus of your thoughts. 

You hear Leonard softly start to sing beside you - some old country song he always listened to in his downtime. 

_"I'll be there beside you_

_If you need a cryin’ shoulder_

_Yes, and I'll be there to listen_

_When you need to talk to me_

_When you wake up in the darkness_

_I will put my arms around you_

_And hold you till the mornin sun_

_Comes shinin' through the trees_

_I'll take all your troubles_

_And I'll throw 'em in the river_

_And I'll bundle down beside you_

_And I'll keep you from the cold"_

Finally, listening to the smooth cadence of his voice, you could feel yourself soothed ever so slightly. Grounded. 

“Thank you, Leonard.” You sigh out when you’re settled and even. 

“No reason to thank me, darlin’. Just looking out for you. Always have, always will.” 


End file.
